October has always been my one of favorite months for many reasons.  I adore the cool, crisp air when the heavy energy of Boston’s humid heat lightens, when leaves burst into color and richly patterned gourds, pumpkins and dried corn adorn shops and restaurants.  Also, my birthday is this month, and this year I turn 40.  I am actually very excited to end my 30s and enter the next decade.  I did so much deep personal work in my 30s, and though we are never done growing and healing and evolving, I am truly enjoying the hard-won fruits of my labors.  Many huge cornerstones and foundations for my life path were laid in my 30s, after a long period of struggle and growth.

I can actually say I’m right where I want to be at 40, and am full of gratitude for everything in my life:  my beautiful little family – awesome husband, two fur-babies and of course, little B. – good health, rich spiritual life, amazing friends and busy practice.  Things are not perfect, of course, but they are much more settled and grounded in joy than ever before.

There is another reason I love October, now.  B. turns one this month as well, five days after my birthday.  I absolutely love sharing this month with her, but I cannot believe it has been an entire year already.  I’ve watched her journey thus far with complete fascination:  her deep struggle as a newborn to anchor into this life, and then blossoming into the most spirited, spunky, loving, affectionate, feisty little baby.  For some reason, long ago when I first found out who she was in her most previous past life, I thought she would incarnate as a timid, cautious, anxious, possibly hypervigilant child.  I assumed she would carry the wounds of her trauma far more obviously than she has.

But true to form, B. is doing things her own way and has really surprised me.

This little girl is incredibly outgoing, social and trusting.  She loves adults and older kids, and blasts around public play areas with no fear or reserve.  She pulls herself up to stand using strangers’ legs, crawls right up to kids she doesn’t know, and smiles that adorable semi-toothless smile at everyone in the room.  She is open and playful and trusting – and I believe this is because she can read energy very easily.  There have been times, rarely, that I have seen her shy away from a person, clearly with some reserve about being near them.  I think she picks things up on a deep level very quickly, and clearly knows when and where and with whom she’s safe.

This is what she’s brought forth into this life, perhaps something she lacked in that last life:  the ability to energetically read situations and people, and then discern.  She has brought forth an innate ability to trust her own intuition, and I can see it already at work very early on.  This is something she is here to help reinforce to me, as self-trust is one of my own deepest soul lessons.  Seeing it modeled by her on a daily basis, so effortlessly, is really moving to me.  And inspiring.  I always knew she would be my teacher, and this is the first of many lessons.

The past week has been interesting to say the least.  In the first week of October, Hurricane Matthew hurled toward the southeast coast of the U.S., filling the national news with coverage.  I don’t much follow hurricane news because they rarely hit us in the New England area, but the name did not escape my attention.  The timing was notable too:  the hurricane arrived the same week as the eighteenth anniversary of Matthew Shephard’s attack and death.

October 6^th was the anniversary of his attack, and October 12^th was the anniversary of his death.  Interestingly, October 11^th was National Coming Out Day.  The hurricane raged that entire week along the East Coast.  It’s been a strange, difficult week.

I felt unsettled all day on October 6^th, but initially, just as in the previous year, I had forgotten the exact dates of Matt’s terrible last week alive and wasn’t fully aware of why I felt funky.  But the entire day I noticed that little B. was also slightly off, which I assumed was normal for her age and development (continuing sleep issues, teething, growing like a beast, etc.).  She can’t always be happy and playful, of course; she’ll have her days too.

But then I saw this post come up on my Facebook feed:

“Eighteen years ago today, Matthew stopped into the Fireside Bar in Laramie, Wyoming, to take a break from his studies at home. By the following morning, a family, and a nation, was changed forever by an act of senseless violence. We continue to grieve and share Matt’s story with the world, and every October we are reminded of the strength we have because of you, our supporters. Even after 18 years, the Foundation, through its programs and partnerships, has never been more necessary and has never reached more people in need than it does today. With each passing year, we honor Matt by continuing to achieve monumental steps toward true equality, and we honor you for making it possible. We remember Matt and all those who have suffered discrimination, harm and loss at the hands of bigotry and hatred, and we continue our work to prevent others from experiencing a similar fate.”

And I flashed back to this time last year, when I was eight and a half months pregnant and felt very energetically unsettled for some inexplicable reason, only to find out later the deep significance of the date.

I can’t believe an entire year has passed… and what a year it’s been.  As I was busy watching Bella develop and grow, what I didn’t realize was that there was someone in Spirit who needed my help – and who came to me on the night of October 6^th, this year, in meditation.  We had some very important work to do.