On the evening of October 6^th of this year, after a day of restlessness and anxiety but having forgotten the deeper reason why I would feel this way, I felt compelled to meditate.  I used to meditate daily, back when I had the energy.  The type of meditation I’ve done for the last decade takes some focus and concentration, which seems to be the opposite of most meditation purposes.  But I’m actively raising my vibration and connecting with those in spirit in a place between my world and theirs (I visualize a cliff over an ocean), and that can take some effort.  I rarely visit my cliff anymore, though I know it’s always there.  I have to be in the mood for it, and since having a baby, I’ve just been too tired to do it very often.

The exception is when I get a psychic nudge that someone wants to speak directly with me there.  In my daily and professional life, I regularly receive information from Spirit in many different ways – direct channeling and claircognizance, where I just “know” things or info flows right through me; clairsentience, where I strongly feel the energy, personality and emotion of those in spirit; clairvoyance, where I receive images, flashes of visuals or symbolic pictures; and clairaudience, where I hear the voice of the person communicating with me.  These are easier ways to receive the information, but when I am urged to meditate and visit my cliff, I know something is up.

When I showed up that night, I immediately saw Heath, my ever-loyal Twin Flame, as I always do.  And then I saw my other visitor – Matthew.  Sitting further away, toward the front of the cliff, dressed all in black, legs bent up and arms wrapped around his knees, balled up and looking incredibly despondent.  He radiated grief and sadness, and his choice of clothing color symbolized where he was energetically.

I need to digress and explain that the reason I was able to connect with Matt is the same reason I could connect with my Gypsy girl incarnation.  Matt is a specific facet of that particular soul’s larger Higher Self – a contained and complete incarnation, but sharing certain traits with other past (and future) incarnations of that Higher Self.  I like to compare the Higher Self or “oversoul” to a large crystal (as in The Dark Crystal, a favorite childhood movie), and each incarnation or soul part as a separate shard fitting into the larger crystal.  So although Bella is indeed the next incarnation of that soul on this plane, Matt is still an independent incarnation in Spirit with whom she and I can both connect.  In fact, many earthbounds and “trapped” spirits on this plane are in fact past life incarnations, or soul parts, of people currently incarnated here.  These soul parts just haven’t reintegrated on the Other Side due to their trauma.

In my practice I have spent a great deal of time connecting clients to their own past life incarnations, most often those soul parts who are still deeply wounded or need to tell their story and heal.  It is powerful work, and the healing ripples forward to current-life circumstances surrounding deeper soul lessons.  Another benefit of this work is that the client can then call on that healed past life incarnation to help them in this life.  We can connect with happier incarnations as well, such as lives where we were successful regarding a certain profession or aspect of our personal life, and those incarnations can also serve as supports in this life.  There is no end to what we can do with our past selves; it’s fascinating.

Back to Matt.  I realized, the moment I saw Matt sitting by himself in the grass, that he had never fully, properly crossed over.  I conferred with Heath, as I normally do before meeting a guest who has shown up, and he confirmed that Matt had simply not been ready to do so before now; he had been too mired in his own pain and anguish to properly cross over.  This is very common for those who’ve suffered sudden or traumatic deaths or have emotionally-charged unfinished business on the earth plane.

Most of the past life incarnations I work with in my practice have not crossed over for these reasons, and have been stuck in their own pain, guilt, fear or anger for decades or centuries.  They have never fully connected with their guides, angels and Higher Self, have never done a current and past life review, have never been educated on their deeper soul lessons and relationship contracts.  Without all of this information, true perspective, healing and release cannot occur for an incarnation, and present life incarnations (i.e., us) suffer the effects without even knowing it (as in my experience with the Gypsy girl).

I asked Heath why I had never sensed Matt around before now, especially because my practice has recently centered around this specific type of work.  I had, from time to time since B’s birth, reached out psychically to see if I could connect with him, but had always felt a distinct block and had never understood why.  I had not actually seen him since the meeting before I got pregnant, when he told me about our upcoming present-life connection.  Heath explained that my guides had actively shielded me from sensing Matt this past year because he wasn’t ready to connect, or cross over.  He had watched my family closely though, especially concerned with B’s needs as she transitioned into this life.  That had provided some healing for him, and now on the 18^th anniversary of his attack, he was finally ready to connect with me.

I walked over and sat with him, and we talked for a long time.  There are two main themes I always see with spirits who haven’t crossed over, depending on their specific situation:  either the inability to forgive others, or the inability to forgive themselves.  Matt suffered from both.  Out of respect for him I’m keeping the details of our conversation private, but we did discuss understanding the bigger picture, how crucial it was for him to open up to the idea of crossing over, how much healing and love awaited him on the Other Side.  It took time, and patience, but he finally seemed to release something and energetically felt lighter.  This is not to say he was magically healed, but that he finally reached a place where he could cross over properly and receive the deeper healing he desperately needed.

When I cross souls over in a meditation, I see them do so in various symbolic ways.  Sometimes I see them walk off toward a waiting crowd of guides, angels and loved ones.  Sometimes I watch them lighten and dissolve energetically right in front of me, as if they are being beamed up by the Starship Enterprise.  This is what Matt did – his energy turned to pure light and he dissolved in front of me, symbolizing his crossing over to the higher plane.  I knew I’d see him again, but next time, from a healthier, more healed place.

Several days later, I was running errands with my husband and baby, and I was drawn to stop into a retail store that was in the same shopping plaza as the grocery store.  I never would have gone in, but I was compelled to check out the home decoration section.  Almost immediately, I saw a beautiful, fairly large chunk of natural smoky quartz crystal tucked in among various cheap tchotchkes – something that would have easily cost quite a bit in a New Age store.  It was billed as a paperweight and cost $7, and I grabbed it immediately, a true hidden treasure.

I knew, intuitively, it was a “thank you” from Matt.

It now sits on my bedside table, and when I look at the rich brown earthy light reflected in its crystalline points, I think of him – knowing he is now safely where he’s supposed to be, and that he is receiving the love and deep healing he’s needed for so very long.

Once in awhile, when we’re on the bed playing, B. stops and stares for a minute, and then reaches for the quartz on my bedside table.  It makes me smile, and I know he’s smiling, too.