We are at eight and a half months already, Week 36, and I can hardly believe how time has flown by.  It has been the best pregnancy, and I am really going to miss carrying this little soul around.  I am so proud of my baby bump, of the life inside me, of the fact that she chose my husband and me as part of her reentry into this world.

I’ve had a few unexpected experiences with her as she’s gotten bigger which indicate to me that her soul does indeed have memories (even inside the womb) of her most recent past life trauma.  The first, beginning at around 6 months, was the feeling of near suffocation on my part because she was so high up she was pressing on my diaphragm and lungs.  I also had severe heartburn for the first time, and that combined with the shortness of breath made the whole heart chakra area feel drenched in anxious energy and discomfort.

For a long time I thought it was my anxiety and stress (though I couldn’t figure out why), but around Week 33 I finally had a Reiki session with a friend who connected with our baby girl and confirmed it was actually her anxiety I was feeling.  My friend said there was a great deal of fear about being born again into this world, given how she was forced to leave it last time.  The fear was making her physically move upward, “toward Spirit,” instead of carrying lower like other babies.  I literally felt she was scrunching herself into a corner, but the corner was the top of my abdomen, directly under my ribs.  My friend told me, “She has all the memories in there of her trauma, and it’s making her afraid.”  It broke my heart, and confirmed what I had suspected – that our little girl will be born with active memories of her previous horrific death.

After the session I sat alone with my baby for a long time, giving her Reiki and talking internally with her.  I told her that this time around was meant to be different in many, many ways.  A major rebalancing of karma and energies from the last lifetime, a release of the trauma and soul wounds she carries from her previous life.  I reassured her that she has a huge supporting cast both on the Other Side and on this side, through my large network of friends in this field and on this path who will protect her and be resources for her whenever she needs.  I told her how proud I was of her choice to come back, to be brave enough to return for the greater good of her soul’s growth as well as for this world, for I know she has much powerful work she’s planning to do here.

And I swear, as I talked with her, I felt her move down slightly and I was able to breathe better for the first time in weeks.  Two days later, I had an ultrasound and she had completely flipped head-down, where she was supposed to be.  It was amazing, and I felt beautifully connected to her.  My breathing improved and she felt lower and more settled… and later another medium friend said she sensed my baby felt happy, safe and more ready to enter the world.  I am so, so proud of her for this.

The second major incident occurred just this past week, and caught me off guard.  Since the Reiki session and our talk, after she turned head-down, my breathing had been so much better and I thought we’d dealt with her anxiety.  But on October 5^th, one of my rare days off, I woke up feeling anxious and agitated again, with heartburn and a noticeable shortness of breath.  My whole heart chakra area felt terrible, and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from or why.  I knew she was still head-down, and that this time what I was feeling was purely energetic rather than physical.  It lasted the entire day, and into the next day.

I had October 6^th off as well, and for hours I prowled around the house trying to figure out what would make me feel better.  I tried to watch a movie, I tried to nap… nothing helped.  At one point I checked my Facebook to distract myself from all the discomfort.  At 2:22 exactly (symbolic for a separate reason), I scrolled down far enough to see a post from the Matthew Shepard Foundation – and suddenly understood everything.  The night of Oct. 6, 1998, was the night he was brutally beaten, tortured and left for dead.  I had no idea this was the date of his attack (he died six days later, still in a coma).  My baby girl was remembering this anniversary in my womb, and her anxiety and pain had been filling me for two days.

I had a routine ultrasound that afternoon which confirmed she was still head-down, and that what I’d been feeling was purely energetic and emotional – her energy and emotion.  I was a bit amazed at the fact that we’re so connected that her energy became mine, and I could not tell the difference.  It reminded me of the past life where we were as close as sisters, and I feel this soul and I have been here together many times and are deeply connected.

After my appointment, I ran some errands and witnessed two random acts of kindness – the first was done for me, where a kind woman offered me a seat as I waited for a fax to go through (first time in 8+ months that someone has done that), and the second I witnessed when I took a long, meandering walk around my neighborhood in the beautiful fall weather.  A girl’s dog had gotten off its leash, and two strangers ran with her after the dog to help catch it.

As I walked, I gave my baby Reiki and chatted with her internally about the kindness and love that is in the world, even though I come from a place of cynicism and doubt as well due to my own past (and some current) life traumas.  I told her I realized that one of my biggest challenges as her mother is to release my own deeper mistrust of humanity and foster an environment of joy and hope for her as she grows.  We both have horrific soul wounds to recover from, but we can do it together.  I firmly believe this is part of why we chose to be together in this life.

Throughout the walk, I felt her anxiety lessen and subside.  And I felt that together, we can work on healing our souls’ pasts, and change how we see the world and the people in it.  I have faith in this, and I am incredibly grateful to share this journey with her.