Two days ago we officially found out we are having a little girl, which confirmed everything I’ve been feeling for the past three months – not to mention the meditation I had where Matthew told me he was choosing to incarnate as a female this time around.  It was thrilling to get the confirmation, though.  🙂  Though I am now at a point where I fully trust my psychic meditations and what I see and hear during them, it has taken me a very long time to get to this point and it is always lovely to receive direct confirmation.  I don’t think I’ll ever stop appreciating specific validations from Spirit.

Overcoming self-doubt is one of my soul’s biggest lessons in this life.  I have been challenged in every possible way regarding whether I believe in and trust myself above and beyond all else.  This has been repeatedly tested in my life in every way – in many of my important relationships, in my identities as a writer and medium, as a daughter and sister and partner and friend and even, at times, employee.  At various times throughout my life, I have been tested to trust myself rather than outside circumstances and outside people… and I have failed many, many times, choosing to believe that everyone else somehow knew more than me, about me.  It has only been in the last ten years and through long struggle and growth that I have been able to fully root into myself and know that ultimately, I am the authority on me.

This self-doubt lesson extends back many, many lifetimes for me.  I have lived numerous lives where I incarnated with healing, psychic and medium abilities and was ostracized and persecuted for it by the masses.  Repeated experiences of being tortured and murdered for something that was inherent in my soul did a lot of damage, and I came into this life very timid around authority and struggling to use my voice and speak up when I needed to.  This self-doubt extended to my medium abilities in this life, and it took me a long time to trust that I was truly connecting and receiving information from guides and loved ones on the Other Side.

Years ago, Heath and another mutual friend on that side wanted to show me the root of my soul’s struggle with fears and self-doubt when it came to my abilities.  That night, I had an extremely vivid dream about a pivotal past life.  It was the 1800s, and I was a woman living with my husband and two young sons in a cabin in a rural, densely forested area near a river.  In that life, I used my medium abilities to help souls cross over to the Other Side when they died, and I was known in the village to a select few who accepted what I did.  Heath was actually my neighbor in that life, and he disappeared while hunting one day.  His body wasn’t found for months, but when he died he had immediately come to me in spirit and I had helped him cross over.

The dream then shifted and I was suddenly being chased by a huge, angry mob of villagers down to the river, all of whom were screaming that I was a witch and evil and working with the devil.  The mob overtook me and beat me nearly to death, and then threw my body into the river to drown – which I did.  Before I left my body, I remember seeing my two young sons at the river’s edge, crying.  (One of these sons was the soul who was Robin in this life, which explains our deeper connection.)  And then I woke up.

I was told that it had actually been my husband in that life who had exposed me to the village, because he had found out my secret abilities and was enraged, believing I was practicing the dark arts.  Interestingly, my husband in that life is now my father in this life, and he still does not believe in anything metaphysical, valuing logic and science above all else.  We have had a lot of intense karma to work out in this life.

That past life was not the sole cause of my struggles with “coming out” as a medium in this life, but it was symbolic of many, many lifetimes where my abilities had gotten me killed.  The past life dream was my first window into how powerful past lives can be, and how deeply they can affect our souls for lifetimes to come.  We bring forward many wounds and traumas and fears from past lives into future lives in order to heal them, and much of the work I do in my private practice centers around this.  It makes me think of my daughter, and what she is bringing forward into this life to heal.

Though I’ve done numerous regressions over the last decade to gather in-depth information about my soul’s journey, I never had another vividly past life dream.  That is, until the other night, the day we found out we were officially having a girl.  That night I decided to meditate, and when I showed up on my cliff there was a huge “It’s a Girl!” party, with balloons and streamers and The Temptations performing “My Girl,” and all my friends on that side were coming up to congratulate me.  Heath is a wonder at organizing these things, and they are always surprises and move me so much.  It is such an amazing outpouring of love and support and joy.  😊

After I fell asleep, I dreamed that I was a young woman in ancient times, walking with my close friend in a marketplace.  We were looking at cloths and silks, the colors of which were so vivid – jewel-toned greens and blues and ruby reds, along with earthy browns and creams.  Rich, gorgeous fabrics surrounded us, and I could clearly see the cobblestone street beneath our sandaled feet and the various stone structures around us.  We were in colorful linen dresses, and I remember her long brown curls were entwined with some sort of leather headband.  Our apparel was simple in nature but somehow I knew we were middle class and educated.

My friend was talking to me about her career, which I think might have been assigned to her and which she was not certain she wanted to do.  As I listened to her I felt we were soul sisters, incredibly close.  I knew we were not related but we had grown up together, and the love I felt for her was so strong – I knew I would do anything for her.

And then I woke up… and I realized that my friend, in that life, was going to be my daughter in this life.  The dream was given to show me that we have a long, rich history and deep soul connection, and perhaps we will have the same type of soul-sister relationship in this life, as mother and daughter.  This fits with what Robin told me awhile back about our intertwining, complementary soul energies.

The dream/past life memory was beautiful and it has stayed with me.  More than anything, it makes me so very excited to meet my daughter.